Heavy Hearts

Well we got the unthinkable news today... our birth mother has decided to keep the baby. We are very sad but we know that God is not surprised and He has a purpose in all this. This probably began when back in March she announced that she wanted to nurse the baby for two weeks. We all tried to talk her out of this and told her that she was going to bond with the baby and if her true desire was for us to adopt the baby then that was not a good idea. She promised that she knew she couldn't keep the baby and that "God" had told her to do this. Then last week we were given 4 more demands, one was more money, another was that we keep the name she had given him because "God" said he was to be given that name, another was that we would circumcise him (since she couldn't afford it) and another was that we have an open adoption. We agreed to all and even compromised on the name, by saying we would choose the middle name and we would keep the first name that she wanted. She obviously doesn't understand what God is telling her but that is between Him and her.When we given the list of demands we began praying that if God did not want this baby for our family, then He would close the door because we were willing to go until the door closed. We know beyond a shadow of a doubt that we will never look back on this and wonder "what if", God was very clear. We just pray that He would bring the right baby into our family and that it would not involve months more of waiting. Part of us want to say, "God haven't we been through enough already?!?!" But we know that He will use this for His glory and when He does bring OUR baby home it will be more perfect than we could have ever imagined. Please pray for me particularly this weekend. I actually thought that I would be a mommy this weekend and I was excited about celebrating Mother's Day this year. It will be hard to think of how close I was to being a mommy on this holiday. So where does this put us?? God really protected our money in all of this. We could have lost thousands of dollars but we only loose $650. Both her attorney and the director or the adoption center did not want to take our money until she signed the papers due to her lack of consistency. We will talk with our attorney tomorrow to get a more in-depth plan on moving forward.